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Announcing VIA - Christmas humour
Last post Thu, Dec 22 2011 by Andreas S., 4 replies.
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Posted on Wed, Dec 21 2011 12:47
by Oceanview
Joined on Sat, Jan 12 2008, Oxford, England, Posts 173


I hope the Forum won't mind me posting this entertainment on this section. Hope you enjoy the following 'skit' which came to me a few weeks ago. Somewhere in the multiverse (and try to imagine Paul reading this) ...





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New for 2012: Vienna Symphonic Library announces the release of … Vienna Irritating Audience


Give your
musical performances undreamed-of realism. No concert performance is quite there
without irritating behavior from the audience. After the finest quality samples of orchestral instruments,  Vienna Symphonic Library takes the ultimate step: Vienna Irritating Audience.

The Vienna Irritating Audience Collection
contains an extraordinary range of irritating audience noises and distractions.
Apart from all the standard inconsiderate performances by members of the
public, it contains other nuisances guaranteed to enhance your music. These
irritations have been put into the right perspective with multi-sampled
convolution reverb from Vienna MIR so you can give your music the well-meaning
inattention of a small-town premiere right up to city premiere indifference or capitol major concert riot.

The Vienna Irritating Audience Full Library
contains 936 GB of uncompressed sample data in 96 kHz/192-bit. Due to an
innovative optimization process, the Vienna Instruments engine decompresses the
samples in real-time, so that they take up only 73KB of space on your hard disk.

Vienna Irritating Audience (VIA) comes
as individual downloads and a boxed collection so you can choose just the right
amount of irritating audience behavior for your music. It has a Standard and an
Extended Library. The Standard Library includes the following ‘instruments’, each with a variety of articulations:

Instruments (Standard Library)

Mobile Phone (bleep)

Mobile Phone (loud chorus)

Mobile Phone (traditional bell ring)

Mistimed Clap (solo)

Mistimed Clap (whole row)

Mistimed Clap (stalls)

Mistimed Clap (upper tier)

Bravo! Snob
Late Arrival (solo)

Late Arrival (family)

Late Arrival (couple)

Early Departure (solo)

Early Exit (family)

Early Exit (couple)

Early Exit (reviewer)

Annoying Children

Same Row Foot-Tapper

Coughing (solo and ensemble)

Extended Library

Noisy Eater

Distracting Whispers

Irritating Percussion

Hostile Function and Audience Abuse

Noises Off

Here are more details of the Vienna Irritating Audience Collection:

Mobile Phone

samples are short (first pocket), medium (second pocket), long (in bag) and
seemingly-endless (OMG-I-can’t find-it). Superb for placing in a p or pp passage.

Symphonic Library sampled cellphones with modern and old bell telephone rings so
if they are set to go off at once during the music you won’t get unwanted ‘phasing’
effects. Use the ‘halt’ feature if the conductor really objects. Vienna
software integrates the timing to avoid quantized halts. Instead it produces a humanized
ragged premature halt in the music so the musicians don’t all stop precisely on the beat if the conductor wants to start again.

Mistimed Clap

libraries’ audience effects are just a load of clap. But Vienna’s Mistimed Clap
matrix ensures polyphonic clapping at the wrong time. Choose from the following
articulations: tentative, embarrassed, routine, brazen, slow, bored and
sarcastic. Excellent for placing at the end of a symphonic movement which isn’t
actually the last. Give the conclusion to your overture or concerto just the right amount of hesitation and confusion.

Annoying Children

matrix gives you the devastating realism of the classic Bored Child, Crying Baby, Whining Child, and Sibling Squabble (with release samples).

‘Bravo! Snob’

Music emerges
from silence and ends with magically-charged seconds of hush impregnated with a
profound mystery created by composer, conductor, musicians and audience ... the
highlight of the evening … But why let this moment go unspoiled? Trigger a
ruinous shout of ‘bravo!’ and kill the enchantment. No Brucknerian symphonic
epic need go unspoilt. Using sophisticated recruitment techniques (star sign,
waist-measurement, supremacy index) the Vienna development team stood several
champion ‘Bravo! Snobs’ on the dedicated silentstage and for several days sampled
their outbursts at various degrees of premature exclamation and egoism. (Note: these patches are only 1 – 2 ms and not available lower than forte).

patience of the Vienna team was certainly tested during the recording phase,
but the developers overcame with a brilliant innovation. Consequently, the last
reverb reflections of an occasional single but remarkably effective gunshot coming
from off-stage have been successfully hidden by the use of ‘homicide masking
samples’ so you need not be distracted when placing the ‘Bravo! Snob’. Master
release samples enable positioning of this act of aural vandalism right over the last chord of your music.


Coughing matrix captures in stunning realism the cougher who really should have
stayed at home. The articulations with three pulmonary layers per dynamic
enabling velocity cross-fade as the cough develops stopping only short of
projectile vomiting at FF. Included are dry, irritating dry, medium dry,
expectorant, moist, throaty, hacking, queasy and vomit. There are staccato and
legato coughs, and performance repetition coughing. The Uncontrollable Cough
can be combined in a cell with one of the articulations from Early Exit, to get a smooth sense of the illness-driven departure from the concert.

Note: The
perf-rep coughing patches are played by default for tickly coughs, because they
sound more natural with repeated coughs than the normal cough patches. If you
want to use the normal cough patch instead of the performance repetition, use the keypad’s staccato mark and add the Technique Text command “cough”.  Add the following entry to your Sibelius
dictionary: Staff Text/”cough”: Sound ID change “+cough.single cough” until start of next note. To trigger the vomit patch use the upbow marking.  To trigger the sneeze patch add an asterisk
in technique text or use ‘sfz’. If you are using the latest Vienna Symphonic Library House Style these commands are already included in the dictionary.

Late Arrival

from single adult, single elderly, young couple, middle-aged couple, married
with three kids, VIPs, ‘Here Under Duress’, Bored Music Reviewer. The
articulations include footsteps, shuffles, whispered apologies and seats
banging. Velocity sampling captures the speed and anxiety with which each
instance of Late Arrival tries to get to his or her seat. Can be placed before
the piece starts or layered over once started, and given additional realism with auto-voicing in VIPro2.

Early Exit

matrix gives all the realism of the audience leaving. You might well have
written a great piece but there’s always someone who wants to leave before the
end. Vienna Early Exit logarithm automatically places the noise of the Early
Exit the correct percentage from the actual end of the music for an authentic
mild disruption and aural blemish. Multiple Early Exits can be randomized for
greater disruption. The articulations include Reverse Bored Music Reviewer, floor
portamento Bored Child (which can be combined with detache Exasperated Parent
for a duo effect), and the shorter duration First Out Of The Car Park (with optional car-key percussion).

Arrival and Early Exit are enhanced by the patches Shoe Squeak Leather and Shoe Squeak Synthetic in VIA’s Irritating Percussion preset.

Vienna Irritating Audience Presets (with Late-Arriving Drunk)

If you
have Vienna MIR Plus you can use the Vienna Irritating Audience Presets which
are available for download. The normal Late Arrival and Early Exit
articulations follow straight line routes from left, right and centre doors in
each hall and don’t last long. But for a different effect try Late-Arriving Drunk
and listen to how the footfalls travel across the stereo image in the most
circuitous route around the back of the hall with the noise of various
collisions. You can choose from up to 10 different drunken paths. These were
painstakingly recorded by anonymous volunteers who with different levels of inebriation  were recorded as they
staggered into each hall and tried to find their seat. (Vienna Symphonic
Library gratefully acknowledges the help of a number of beer cellars during
this project). If the effect is not quite what you want you can simply hit ‘Refresh’.
(Our volunteers certainly did … ). (BTW there is no truth in rumours that the price
of this software has been affected in any way by hospital bills and insurance claims).

Drunk is especially effective in 5.1 mixes, where the full serpentine quality
of concert wandering can be appreciated. Furthermore, Vienna’s unique imaging
enables full control of parameters such as Time of Night, Alcohol Intake, Public
Holiday On/Off, Pitch-From-Vertical, Pause-and-Sway, and you can assign Expression
so that the slider goes from Despair to Elation. If you place Late-Arriving
Drunk in the conductor’s position before the music has started VIA will
automatically introduce extreme humanize effects into the music leading to an
almost complete breakdown of timing from the musicians. Your music really will
sound like it is conducted by a drunk! Pitch and timing effects can then be
learned and optimized by pushing the ‘Utter Shambles’ button and re-applied to future performances.

The Vienna Irritating Audience Extended Library
includes the (handkerchief-) muted versions of all the coughs in the Standard
Library plus various Sneezes (muted and unmuted). To trigger the muted coughs
and sneezes use the Technique command ‘con handkerchief’ or ‘con kleenex’. To
go back to normal use ‘senza handkerchief’ or ‘senza kleenex’. It also has the Occasional Nervous Throat-Clearer patch for a genuinely randomized effect.

louder passages try the Vienna Imperial Cougher matrix – a brilliant realization
which offers coughs of concert-spoiling Wagnerian proportions. This was recorded
on the Vienna Silentstage with the expert advice of many of Austria’s leading Ear, Nose and Throat specialists.

Distracting Whisper

discussing the programme notes, to lovers’ sweet nothings (ideal for more
romantic pieces), questions that could wait and bored sighs, the Distracting
Whisper matrix provides a variety of subtle but annoying high-frequency noises.
Note: there are no sustain or legato samples above the dynamic marking ‘mp’. To trigger the marcato sotto voce Argumentative Whisper patch at ‘mf’ use an accent mark.

Irritating Percussion

matrix provides a range of sudden interruptions: Vienna Sweet (including left
hand wrapper twist and right hand wrapper twist), Crisp Packet (several
velocities, salted and unsalted), Drop Umbrella, Drop Book, Drop Shopping Bag,
Programme Slither / Splash Impact, Sulky Teenager Kick, Flipback Chair, Guide-Dog Bark, Stage Door Bang, Shoe Squeak Leather, Shoe Squeak Synthetic.

Noisy Eater

Like Distracting
Whispers these samples are designed to work best during those quiet, spiritual
moments in your music. These matrices combine well with the Vienna Imperial
piano and the Solo Strings. To trigger the Noisy Eater patches use the technique text command ‘con baguette’. To return to normal use ‘ord.’ or ‘stuffed’.

Noises Off

It also
has the Noises Off articulations, which range from conversations and laughter
in the foyer, passing ambulance / fire engine sirens, buses and trams (choose
from French or Viennese), police cars, nearby gas explosions, subsiding
buildings, an amateur rock band practicing, underground trains, a Hollywood
film soundtrack coming through the wall, to an earthquake, and the rumble from
a small nuclear detonation in a neighbouring city. These louder patches sound good combined with the Ensemble Gasp! Patches.

Hostile Function and Audience Abuse

If you
compose difficult, avante garde or atonal music you can never be sure how an
audience will react. Perhaps they will not like your music and be annoyed
having paid good money for a tune or two. Why wait for the hostile reaction when you can create it for yourself with Vienna Irritating Audience? The Extended Library version of the Early Exit matrix
includes the Hostile Function allowing you to put an extra edge on those
audience noises to make them sound personal. Additionally, load the Audience
Abuse matrix which includes cat-calls sampled with different levels of
derision, shouts (male and female voices included), and includes the superb 1913 Rite Convolution Preset -  a minor
riot with French exclamations, shouts of ‘Un dentist!’, ‘Deux dentistes!’
(Other languages will be available later as add-on packs to simulate riotous
concerts in most major European cities). Sibelius users choose ‘Stampede’ from
the unpitched percussion menu for this sample. Use Velocity Cross-fade on the
Insult patch to seamlessly blend mild abuse into extreme profanity (evidence of 18+ age needed).

Er ... okay, I think I'd rather have those Divisi Strings ... Happy Christmas to everyone at Vienna. Thanks for your brilliant innovations and good luck in 2012.

Posted on Wed, Dec 21 2011 16:26
by Popslaw
Joined on Wed, Jun 22 2011, Posts 138

I can't get crossfade to work on the vomit patches. I used the upbow marking and I have the Vienna House Style loaded. What am I missing?

Overall a pretty good product.

Posted on Thu, Dec 22 2011 07:21
by Jacen
Joined on Sat, Sep 08 2007, Bremen / Germany, Posts 17

 @Oceanview: Lol, that made me smile a lot Smile

Am I the only one who would actually buy this?Wink

Posted on Thu, Dec 22 2011 10:38
by Andreas S.
Joined on Sat, Nov 29 2003, Cologne & Bleialf, Germany, Posts 149
Jacen wrote:

Am I the only one who would actually buy this?Wink

Many thanks to you and to Popslaw "Overall a pretty good product."

I am in so much pain right now concerning different private issues and when I read what you wrote I really had to laugh from the depth of my heart. Many many thanks!


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